That's why you post a video in your Facebook feed, Russ, then nobody from the NFL will ever see it.

Penn State football has been on a roll these past few weeks. The team notched a bowl victory, Paterno got his wins back, and over the holidays the JoePa statue got that Red Ryder BB gun he wanted.

When I swam, we used to have to shave our whole damn bodies at the end of the season. We'd usually wait till the day before our league championships and shave at the hotel the night before, where we were packed in 4 to a room. I had the great fortune one year to be assigned a room with just 3 people in it: me and a…

Like, why the fuck would she leave her couch there?

His new number is too long to fit on it.

I have some scissors that would do it.

Cut my penis of once, shame on you. Cut my penis off twice...QUIT CUTTING MY PENIS OFF!!!

The saddest thing is that I instantly recognized all three of these people.

The Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost.

38 minutes ago, that sentence tore a whole in the universe

I like how the assistant is the first guy with his hand up at the end, as if to say "that's right, I actually survived that crazy shit."

I hope it's mom's job to teach their daughter how to use a tampon.

They should go after Todd Haley.

Goddamn he was the best. He had a similar "tips for writing" preface to.....Welcome to the Monkeyhouse, maybe? I don't remember. He listed off variants of these, and he said that one of the most effective short stories he ever read was from a student of his, a long time ago, and it centered solely around someone…

Plus, Pedro was a much better troll:

Neil Walker

Oh sweet, she gets to kiss one of his rings

I know! Famous rookies NEVER get attention. They don't star in Snickers commercials (Manziel), snort coke on Instagram (Manziel), engage in public drunkenness (Manziel), obsess over "their brand" (RGIII), drag the Kardashian freak show with them (Reggie Bush), have pimp and crack dealers as parents (Bryant), legions…

Yasiel Puig is like the theme song to the 80's sitcom "The Facts of Life" ....

How children lost the right to roam in four generations has a pretty crazy graph of how far children were allowed to roam on their own (6 miles to 300 yards), granted that graph only shows one family... but I feel like it is representative of the attitudes of each generation.