Can I just start with

You wrote out the woman of color who created the hashtag #solidarityisforwhitewomen? Solidarity is for fucking white women?

Erin, girl. I like you a lot but what is this article? So Jezebel just gon' not talk about what prompted this? LOL I should be surprised but alas.

STACY IS KRISTY COOMBS!

I think the realization that she's never going to want your life (however incredibly superior it is) is so, so important. It's like the realization that your ex is never going to be sorry for being a giant douchebag. You win, and you know it. But she doesn't, and she won't ever. That's why your meanness won't ever…

Darling, there are rednecks everywhere. Note Putin in Russia and his shirtless fishing, shooting, bear wrestling, etc. Pure redneck.

Word of caution about black fondant.

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK MARATHON!!!!!

My dad died on July 5. I share your pain, friend.

No. No no no no no.

I didn't know Zak from Fern Gully was still acting.

Mini. Backpacks. That is all.

Who knows, she could have caused the bruises herself. If she was in a coke rage then she could have been kicking things and tripping over things. Or they could be bruises she got when her boyfriend tried to defend himself. Or, she could be like me and just wind up with mysterious bruises all the time. I'm not sure the…

Or maybe just this kid looking through your windows.

I highly doubt he's much more than a pump-n-dumper at the best of times.

HAVE YOU NO SOUL?!

Brilliant! I think a male equivalent would be just as desirable as well. But I'd imagine no one wants to be too cold in those areas either, that'd be the trick.

Everyone always asks me for directions. Always.

That's the tricky part. I need a card that says "you're an asshole, but it's not that big of a deal anymore, cheers!"