Sex, please! I don't drink coffee. I for one am so glad I don't need a substance to get me out of bed in the morning! Hmm I think I smell someone making coffee. Did I mention I don't drink coffee? It has so many chemicals in it. Are you guys going to Starbucks? Can I tag along and do they have hot chocolate? Because…

I swear it wasn't anecdotal...
Ahem

You guys should know about NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette as well.

DO NOT DO THIS BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 4 and 6PM.

Thank you. Jesus, Thank you.

Also: If you swipe your metrocard three times and it doesn't work, Get Out of the Way and let the people behind you swipe some before trying again.

Does he sport wood?

No he's just very religious and won't have sex until marriage.

Amstel Light thinks he's sophisticated and worldly because he spent a summer backpacking in Europe.

Weissbier is amazing, but leaves me with lingering stomach discomfort, so maybe the genuinely nice guy who everybody loves, but who's just maybe a little too nice, like maybe he's a serial killer or secret racist.

You'll never be good enough for gin's parents.

Weissbier is the tall muscular guy who's genuinely nice and considerate who offers to escort you through the seedier part of town to get home.

Tito's vodka drinkers are the best looking, smartest, most thoughtful and engaging men on the planet. They exercise both upper and lower body equally and your friends and family will love them. They like big lazy dogs with droopy ears and soulful eyes.

Way harsh Tai.

All I can think of while watching this are this:

yes, thank you! smoking pot makes household chores suck less, puts ya in that zenlike state, ya dig

"Once you have a child, your sexual market value essentially drops to zero. "

The secret to getting good customer service: know your rights and don't be a cunt.

I would never use a coupon at a restaurant I frequent regularly. I think it is insulting to use one at a place you like. If you like them, pay full price so they can stay in business. Coupons are for the first visit only. The only exceptions are fast-food places.

Finally, you should know what happens when you tip because it doesn't always go to the server directly. Many restaurants use a tip pooling method and split tips evenly amongst the waitstaff rather than hand them off to the people who earned them. That means you could give a waiter a crappy tip for crappy service and…

GODDAMMIT, how can you do this to me? Do you know how hard I've been resisting these things due to foolish "no room or money for these self indulgent shenanigans" reasons?