I texted my husband a picture of my boobs when he was out of town once. He texted back a long response about the “dangers of the cloud.”

I also get super extra horny around the 3 o’clock slump. I always wish I could just have a quick fuck, a snack, then take a nap for the rest of the workday.

I have been trying to find words for how awesome it is to be doing so well after kicking Mr. out, and “winning the breakup” is perfect for me. For real. I’m financially better off, I’m happier, I’ve lost weight, and I’ve got a new admirer already. SUCK IT, EX HUSBAND.

Ooh, I hope you like it!! Do you think you’ll wait until the season is over before you read it, or do you think you’ll read the book first?

Well if they stick to the books (which they’ve done a fairly decent job of so far) she’ll start saving him soon, too. Pretty badass-ly, too!

Chris Pratt>any other male actor out there today under the age of 50. And actually I love his wife, too, so that makes him like the greatest man ever. He's sooooo cute too.

I am just gonna jump in here and say that information about Chris Evans made me righteous in my preference for Pratt. *sigh*

Hot fuzz at the level of Casablanca?

Right click and save! Or, I assume, google “Left Shark” “gif” and “Nailed it.” (Fun story, you might get articles on the choreographer of the dance who claims the Sharks were never supposed to be in sync, just dancing joyously, and thus he believes that Left Shark “Nailed it.”)

This made me let out what I can only describe as a “whispered cackle” at my office desk.

I am the BIGGEST fan of his but that movie was so awful that I couldn’t even watch him in it. And I really like Elizabeth Olsen, too! It’s disgraceful. It’s like, how do you mess up a movie where Oscar Isaac and Elizabeth Olsen have sex for the majority of two hours? And with Jessica Lange in the cast? How do you fuck…

WHATEVER MORE FOR ME.

He’s putting on his shoes so he can bring you one directly.

please.

Seriously I've been ready to go to Pound Town on that dude since Disturbia. Maybe even the last season of Even Stevens.

NOOOO HOWWWW WILL I GO ONNNN?

Shia is legitimately attractive and lifts a lot of weights.

There is not a single instance on this planet where I would not have sex with Shia, and I don’t care what that says about me because he is a gd dime piece and makes me feel weird things in my bathing suit area.

Property of Olive Oyl’s Husband

What, wallowing without Massive Attack? Cannot be done. Being a child of the nineties, I excell at wallowing. There goes my list: