I love Richard Ayoade. I want to pat him and stroke his hair and feed him biscuits and give him tea in his special mug.

Exactly. I am all for mocking the memoirs of stupid wee girls like Bristol and the endless parade of pseudo-celebrities we see on reality TV and married to athletes etc. But if you compared me at that age to Malala, I'd come off like a shallow bitch too. They are two very different young women, and their books will…

The thing with Carrie was that I sympathised when other people were dicks to her, but I just didn't find any fucks to give when she was awful. The thing with her shoes being stolen at her friend's house? They were dicks. Her affair with Big, her attitude when she almost lost her flat and she guilted Charlotte into…

We are all covered in micro penises!

Years ago, I had a sleazy flatmate who used to brag about his attempts to chat up women on the subway. He continued to do it even after I told him that hitting on women in an enclosed space that they literally cannot escape from is not the way to go.

That bugged me enormously as well. I hated where I grew up. Most of the people I encountered were racist, sexist, sectarian jerks. I'm white and straight, and I could have lived quite a happy life if I'd been willing to drop some IQ points and not let on about my religious beliefs/faith/whatever. But I didn't want to…

If I ever get married I am doing this. All the fountains!

I love the logic that a bunch of illegal drugs and a backyard orgy are somehow less risky, legally speaking, than underage drinking.

I know at least one girl who keeps making bad decisions, then when they bite her in the arse feels the need to post on FB about how she's "cleaning out the trash!!!" from her life and how she's "soooo much better off now!!!". And 200 people like it and tell her well done for being strong. I feel like if she didn't…

That's pretty much the way it works. We have some differing interests, and some of the same interests, and I've gotten him more interested in some stuff and he's done the same for me. As long as we're both happy and supportive, it seems to work!

I was always more enthusiastic about being able to talk about books we'd both read, not so much about reading collaboratively. But I have a book club for discussing and arguing about books now anyway, so I get my fix of book chat!

I always thought I'd end up with a bookworm, and now I live with a man who only reads on holiday (if at all). It turned out to not be as big a deal as I thought, I guess. Plus he built me a bookshelf. Maybe they're reading enablers?

I think I just popped an ovary. Ooft.

As someone who, for the moment, has no desire to have kids: anyone who calls the human life you made a hobby is a fucking dillhole.

I don't know if I'm being very British and reserved, but I can't stand the Crazy Craig humour on Parks and Rec. I like my comedians to be more understated and less shouty (Lee Evans grates on my tits as well). I mean each to their own, but being "funny" by yelling just seems lazy to me: like he can't be arsed actually…

I have the rule about this kind of thing that you can't laugh about it until the actual victim does. Otherwise you're just being a dick.

I have to commend you on your resourcefulness there, though. I'd have been pooping and crying on the road.

I am absolutely dying to know now.

I'm glad the dog was okay, and I'm even gladder you ditched the boyfriend. When someone asks for a specific food no fucking way do you come back with the wrong thing by choice. That's so shitty.

I don't know that much about physics, but I'm pretty sure you can still get drunk and fall out of a window with only 20 people in a room. Or three, for that matter. It's a horrible accident and the whole frat thing seems nutty to me anyway, but this just seems like knee-jerk please-no-one-sue-us stuff from MIT.