“And we’ll have their favorite food, which I understand is called a Royale with Cheese.”

‘I hereby announce that the French Women’s National Football Team is invited to the White House to celebrate their success in the 2019 World Cup tournament’ 

Matt Nagy is watching this over and over right now.

Imagine Andy Reid strutting around the sidelines looking like this:

My girlfriend on long car trips loves to play the “Name all 32 NFL teams”-game.

Becauses business dont create products for the market. They create a financial service. That service being stocks, as long as there is a speculation of success, there will be dividends for shareholders and greater portfolio value. The product? Who cares?

BMW drivers dream to have this level of asshat parking job

“...under federal sentencing guidelines he’s expected to spend the rest of his life in prison.”

Our coach did something similar.

Take solace that the real reason he was doing it was his immense anxiety about returning home to that cold, empty apartment and those thousands of bud lights that never quite understood him like a woman could. 

I am an expert as I have never missed a field goal in an NFL playoff game

Yeah, getting pissed over a fluky thing happening is much more reasonable than getting mad over only scoring 15 points at home against a middle of the pack defense.

Hello Friends, I won some golf tickets on eBay and the tickets were sent to you in error. Please don’t break this tradition unlike any other and forward to: Jim Nantz’s Backyard, 17 Mile Drive, Pebble Beach CA 93953.  

There’s no obvious reason why West should receive this award at this particular time

My wife is not a minor, but she is someone else’s kid.

I’ve caught a guy jerking off in the bathroom before. I gotta think a lot of people have once or twice.

“That means someone here is barefoot!” - Rex Ryan

Is that you or your PO speaking?

“Hey man, free shoes!” -Jim Tomsula 

Bush evaded those shoes because he is fairly athletic old guy who’s got reflexes like a cat.