“We don’t need to watch every tape” - Robert Kraft

“Timeout. You’re saying I can use overeating as an excuse?”

“To put it another way: By the letter of the law, the Avalanche could have been penalized for too many men on the ice here, because Wilson was out before Landeskog was off.”

*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

“We’ve had three female, African-American mayors in a row. They were all passionate public servants. Two resigned, though,” Bubala said. “Is this a signal that a different kind of leadership is needed to move Baltimore City forward?”

Unpopular opinion, but currently listening to a shrieking blonde on Twitter. If the brain buried beneath that sinful dye job isn’t mature enough to handle life’s minor inconveniences, don’t tweet. Go 5 years without leaving your house. You chose to be the contrarian that doesn’t need to understand any of the issues so…

“Could you not drive in that scenario?”

I foresee a brother who’s going to be told to leave his bitch of a girlfriend at home in the future.

If I invite you to my house for a free meal, and the first thing you do is try to commandeer the grill because you assume I’m incompetent at the one task required for that meal, you can kindly hit the bricks.

It’s your brother? Just whack him with the grill tongs and then punch him in the throat. He’ll learn.

+3 (true outcomes) 

“You know, I’ve been a big fan of the theater for a long time. And for him to come along and do this to Ford’s Theater, is embarrassing. The worst part is that this theater is now a laughing stock and that’s sad.”
Mike Francesa (April 15, 1865)

Please settle a debate: Is Back to the Future a sci-fi movie?

I’m betting she is worried her daughters will spill something on the stand that will send Becky and Mos up the river for a long while.

How can you even argue that with a straight face?

Lighten up, Francois.

I’m sure the commentary on this would be the exact same if it were a black NBA player who was found to have $20,000, expensive jewelry, and five guns stolen from his home.

I did. It was a half assed invitation to take it back, the kind you always turn down.

Are these letter writers home schooled? Raised in a dystopian creche with no other children and only robots delivering them meals? Because they appear to have never had a social interaction with another human being.

do you actually have any cheese?