Girlfriend, you had me at DURR. I wouldn't be able to stay awake for thirty minutes, let alone be turning left the entire time.

I do that too! And I say 'forward slash' out loud.

Nice.

I'll take that under advisement, Simon. Thanks for setting me straight!

It's very good to see Deadspin covering stories that don't involve a sport.

It's all academic now, Copernicus. The A's got eliminated from the playoffs last night, remember?

Instead of moving the goalposts like a jackass, ask yourself if the A's can somehow MAKE THE PLAYOFFS if they don't win every single one their remaining 50 games. Better yet, find someone with opposable thumbs to explain it to you. Does that answer your question?

I thought Penn State already removed the statue of limitations.

No, they really don't. I think if they finish the season at 48-2 that should be sufficient to squeak by.

"...the A's needing every win they can get to secure a playoff spot"

Looking gif horse(face) in mouth

What About The Micturition of Gary Miller?

Has Deadspin Voldemorted the name of the team from Washington? Sweet.

Thanks. Were you one of the two people in the audience who got it?

"Two games? Well unless one of the games is professional football, what kind of message is this sending?"

Should be "...if I were her boss," Shakespeare.

Hold it right there, Captain Bringdown. I may be an internet-tough-guy-loser, but I definitely have plenty of better things to do with my life.

The point being, Ruth's stats were accumulated in an all-white league. It doesn't matter whether he had "control" over policy, it's that how do we compare a Babe Ruth to later players who had to face a better pool of pitchers? (Short answer: real baseball fans know that all stats come with "asterisks" of some kind…

Rachel Madow's horsefaced little brother appears to be attempting deadpan his own self.

Shouldn't Olbermann be looking after his mom? I hear she just got hit by a thrown humidifier.