On the bright side, Q has a new host and he is awesome. (Although, I guess Ghomeshi having to face the assault charges in court is a bright side in and of itself.)

“And on the seventh day, God watched football at a sports bar, and surveyed all the beer he had consumed, and truly, this was a Sunday Funday.”

His brain is likely in mint condition... Seeing as he uses it so infrequently.

I will not be happy until Walmart sells one of them rotating meat roasters and the associated log of lamb/beef.

To me, the best cakes are decorated enough to be pretty, but not so elaborate that you feel bad eating them. Comb the frosting into pleasing lines, toss on some chocolate curls and add some berries and call it a day. Just make sure the cake part tastes really good. I don’t want something that looks like it belongs in…

I give him major credit for wearing the correct cap. And also, I think he completely deserves the honor, SO THERE REST OF THE JEZ COMMENTARIAT. Here’s a great piece as to why.

I know! I want to send him a card for something. Like one of those goofy ones your uncle gets you that’s like a quizzical animal being like “So I Heard You Graduated...”

I swear he gets it right on his own every time. I’ll video him. This is how I do it.

Every drawing I see by a child just flat-out sucks

Kanye in the regalia is....friggin adorable. Whatever. I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR CYNICISM / SOPHISTICATION THAT MAN LOOKS CUTE IN THAT MUSHY HAT.

Zimmerman was shot in the face

I could probably submit one of these about myself. Many years ago when Subway sandwich shops were rocketing to the top of the national consciousness with the “Subway diet” I stopped in one day to eat with my family. I was a teenager and was waiting behind my family not really paying attention until I got up to the…

At the grocery store I used to work in we had the opposite of that. There was this really sweet old lady who would come in all dressed up, and buy her groceries. Then when she was done she would hand whoever was working the register a quarter as a tip, so that we could take ourselves and some friends out for a soda.

i do still get extra nice treatment at my local home depot after the ranting customer in the garden center once turned around and asked me to validate his commitment to the idea that the cashier have all the SKU’s for patio stones memorized after he’d been calling her stupid for two minutes solid. i told him he was…

Glad you like it. :) In related news, I use the catchphrase “thank you Admiral Obvious”, and when someone says “Don’t you mean Captain Obvious?” I tell them “surely, he’s been promoted by now!”

This roundup is one of my favorites. All of them were stupid in a way that made me smile, rather than stupid in a way that gives me customer service PTSD flashbacks.

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

re: Tito’s Gin-

I always assumed a poached egg was some sort of lion egg that hunters acquired using unscrupulous means.

The “steak and eggs” story reminds me of a similar situation in my family. When I was about 10, we (my parents, 2 sisters, and myself) went out to dinner at a pizza place in town. I knew I wanted a pizza to myself, but I didn’t know how big was too big, and so when the waitress was taking my order I asked, “How big is…