I can't make heads or tails of how that orgy situation would go mechanically. There should be video of that. And I would jerk off to that video on principle.

In related news, fuck Patrick Beverly.

Man, I cannot respect a thing about Paul George's shot. (No. 8.) Runs directly into the defense, travels, heaves up the shot so he can be fouled in the act of shooting, and it goes in.

WHAT? You don't have an irrational ad hominem attack to respond with?

I HAVE OPINIONS THAT NEED TO BE SHARED!

He's goofing off with the Cowboys' head of security, but nah, don't bother to update the post or anything. As long as you can make someone look like an asshole, it's all good.

Do you realize what a shitty life that you have that you created a screen name specifically to jump on a soap box and rant about a dude that you have literally no clue about? You claim that you are successful in life due to douche bags like him while speaking about his shitty job. His shitty job is a business that he…

Thermal expansion is the reasoning behind Aluminum vs any rubber or plastic. Mars can be around 70 degrees Fahrenheit during the day and -100 degrees Fahrenheit during night. A temperature swing of that would mean a rubber tire would last about 2 days whether you drove on it or not, plastic that would not be…

"his salary isn't earned in championship wins."

Yes, because once you become a multimillionaire, you stop aging and never need rest. Who gives a fuck if someone bought a ticket for this game? No team guarantees that your going to see a specific lineup when you attend a game. Tim Duncan and Ginobli are 175 years old, give 'em a break.

Make a half-assed, lazy joke?

Someone call Milo Minderbinder. He'll know what to do.

Western conference semi-finals

Therapist: [holds up picture of a black man]

Why? Perhaps Snow has released a new album. And we know how Rob Ford feels about Snow.

If a cop is asking you a yes or no question it is only because they need to you to say yes to proceed. A cop is not going to ask your permission to do something he/she has the right to do. If a cop is asking you a question the answer is always no. No matter how simple the goal of the cop is to arrest you or give…

That's how crazy drugs make the people who don't use them.
Typical Deadspin anti-"not-a-drug-user-but-reasonable-opponent-of-drug-prohibition" bias.

I've heard that semen being discarded into port-a-potties is how most lawyers are conceived...

To be fair Jay Mohr is the comedy equivalent of Danica Patrick's NASCAR record.

".gif" IS pronounced "jif"... at least according to the man that created the file type.