"You really can't mention Anna without mentioning Sergei." - Chlamydia

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" - Every Male on Earth

He knew what he was doing...

I can totally hear the tone of your comment...that of a dismissive father telling his wife after their kid just got hit in the thigh at a little league game or a GP3 driver who went airborne and barrel rolled his race car. He's fine.

I'm glad we have a doctor to contribute to the comments section. Remember to go forth and do no harm.

"Boomer Later"

Reader 1: What an asshole!

No.

You are correct...with vanity plates that say WHITEUP

This is completely shocking...that she's not driving a BMW.

"Illinois Nazis." - Elwood

Skastz, thanks for showing up for the casting of A Few Good Men. We've heard great things about you and would like to run through some lines. We would like you to read for the role of Col. Nathan R. Jessep. If you could start at "Son, we live in a world that has walls..." Remember to relax, breathe and you'll do great.

Who's watching his fish?

"I'm sorry...what is this video about again?" - Every Guy Not Looking At The Cat

It's aesthetically unappealing.

No.

"It's a joke people...lighten up!" - Comic Sans

Can't wait for Albert Burneko's kid to make him tacos using ground turkey. A restraining order and a visit from social services will soon follow.

This story makes me want to practice masturbate before I actually masturbate.

"Working hard or hardly working...am I right, Bob?" - Every Office D-bag