“Character assassination? If I could only be so lucky.” - J.W. Booth

Nasty Canasta? I MEAN WHO’S GONNA FIX HIS LITTLE RED WAGON???

You had me at plain wiener...

You both had me and lost me at: “Shingle pieces of skin between the bun.”

“Jesusfuckingchrist you’re going to make me learn all of them? That’s seriously going to cut into my masturbation time.” - America

So what you are saying is that I SHOULDN’T trade my 2007 Hyundai Accent hatchback with 68,000 miles for (something with a little personality like) a 2003 Mini Cooper (base) with 81,000 miles? Noted.

Logan’s Run...my first “movie boob”. Thank you, Jenny Agutter.

She looks pretty good to me! Praise Jesus. - T. Tebow

I believe that if you use the beer can cooking method on that bear, you may be committing a felony in the State of Kansas.

“Cocaine or Heroin” is the most Sabermetric headline for drugs...

“Did you say you had a video and all parties didn’t consent to it and yet it was published, nonetheless? Call me, I’ve always wanted to own a sportsblog.” - P. Thiel

He’s already committed to Duke...

I just read that out loud without any context and my wife asked if I was having a stroke.

In a parallel universe, Bryan Menegus is a Smooth Jazz icon along with Gary Caltrane and Niles David.

Ranking most popular “Heather”:

You were a former columnist at the Denver Post, right? Keep updating that resume...

Holy shit, Erin Gloria Ryan is going to have a new Twitter profile background...

Firestone Brewery donated $250,000 to Donald Trump’s campaign. Before even trying it, I know it will be bad and have a foul aftertaste that lasts 4 years...though hopefully sooner.

It really does look like Drew Magary...minus “the shirt”.

Conversely, everybody hates Texas.