Um, holy shit, they need at least 4 more garages.

"So that's what it feels like to be a woman" - Tim Lincecum

Driver: "Hey cutie, need a lift?"

I'm going with anyone named "Geoff"...total dick.

"Hey Goodyear, how are those rain tires coming?" - Pirelli

"Worst condom ever." - Antonio Cromartie

Bartolo Colon is obviously back on his PED's...

"...and here we have 'Fountain' by Marcel Duchamp representing the Kansas City Royals..."

I'm confused. Does this mean the New York Knicks will or will not draft him in the 1st Round?

So what is she getting ready to examine...her double-tall soy mocha? "Sounds good to me...now lets take a look at that prostate."

¡Ay, caramba!

A) When did Tori Amos start wearing glasses? B) When did she become a Flyers fan?

"Nice try...weakling." - Scotty

"It's behavior like this that leads to divorce." - Tony Hawk

Wow...such a "clean" chassis. Those were the days. Now get off my lawn!

WHAT IF????? What if the earth were round? "What If"??? Really???

Boston Weak

May I suggest...

Alternate jezebel.com headline:

[Drops telegraph...walks off stage.]