"See how easy it is to get into Jersey..." - Chris Christie

I think she comes off as a little smog...I mean smug...damnit! *cough*

It's a great product...if you never want to convey any sort of facial expression again.

DO NOT TAKE THE BROWN ACID...THE BROWN ACID IS BAD...IF YOU HAVE TAKEN THE BROWN ACID PLEASE VISIT THE FIRST AID STATION IMMEDIATELY...THAT IS ALL.

"Good thing I'm a 'dog person'..." - Scarlett Johansson

"Get rid of the cushion and have them BOTH be naked AND THEN you might have something." - Every Bro Surfing For Porn

Well I can tell you one "U-boat Commander" that takes exception to that statement.

"Why is the engine in the front?" - Dr. Ferdinand Porsche

*Boomer Esiason watches footage...immediately checks into rehab*

"Hmmm...looks like we have another Austrian with artistic yearnings...that will work out well." - Humanity

"Out-played." - Chris Kluwe

In reality shouldn't it be Everybody: Florida

"Hello Thurman!" (insert laugh-track) - Network Television

"Fat? I'd say he looks about 8 weeks." - Manny Ramirez

"yo...wassup?" - Climate Change

"...but IS IT GOOD FOR THE CHILDREN?" - Parents

This reminds me of the person that uses the "Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce" or eats "Brandy Cake" or drinks a "Virgin Daiquiri" and then pretends to be so wasted that they start slurring their speech and give shitty football commentary...am I right Shannon Sharpe?

"We would like to announce the Grand Opening of Hooper Chevrolet (formerly First State Chevrolet)." - Press Release provided by John and Debbie Hooper's Attorney - June 2014

"Baseball writers are totally and completely objective when selecting their HOF ballot...now if you'll excuse me while I finish masturbating onto this blow-up doll of Stan The Man." - Bob Costas (allegedly)

Looks like UT Athletics is the answer to the joke: "What's Black and White and Red all over?"