I hope she never gets raped, full stop.

This is where my brain will always go first from now on with Galliano references: http://teamcoco.com/content/conan-scraps-fresh-outta-hats

An Eagletonian, I see.

I knew coming here was the right decision.

I am the only female in my social circle who watches "Parks & Rec." I am told it is a "guy show." I need new female friends, right? Obviously, this is the place to ask gender-related questions.

I am a survivor of an anti-vax household.

I understand autism and that it's more than an IEP; it was rhetoric.

Most of the VAERS "adverse events" are things like swollen injection site or mild fever.

You're ignoring that he said the exact same thing about "Parks & Rec," and in the same sentence to boot. All I'm saying is, if Ron Swanson and his Tammys aren't back on my television set next season, I'll have no choice but to burn a village down.

The fact that this is "news" makes me so glad to have grown up in an immigrant household with non-Western beauty standards. My grandmother used to straight-up /brag/ about me being her "fattest" granddaughter. Like, she glowed with pride and would squish my hips sometimes with a smile. I miss her.

Sweet gods of Nubia, that's great.

Dreads, Racks & Beyond

But then the Sudanese rebranded to "real women numbers" and she became a 3 on a confusing 1-5 scale. When they moved to the color-coded hip shape symbols, that's when the whole culture collapsed.

Larry bounces back and forth between Los Angeles and Manhattan. He's officially based in the former, I believe.

I agree with all of this. I'm in no way a Lena Dunham fan — to be honest, I find her incredibly grating — but her body is not even close to being on my list of issues with her. Ms. Stasi needs to discuss these feelings with her therapist, not her readers.

It's certainly not far, but I'd be shocked in there are many Bristol employees living in Newtown. Bristol's a lower-middle-class city and Newtown's an upper-class bedroom community. They're worlds apart. Most ESPN employees live in the towns immediately around Bristol. But there might be some executives or on-air…

+1 Faulkner

Four Loko was apparently more of a threat to our national security that semi-automatics.

+1 surgeon wearing no scrubs

Yes, Hank was a write-in candidate. But it should be noted that he had a /slew/ of publicity over the past several months, had regular fundraisers and public appearances (seriously), and had yard signs and bumper stickers all over the place. If anything, I'm shocked his vote total was so low. Seriously.