I can remember devoting many, many hours to imagining what sex would be like with the boy I had a crush on in 8th grade. I wrote some of my fantasies down in my diary, and the following year I lost my diary in a move. I'm preeeeetty sure it's in my grandparents' garage as we speak.

It's okay, it's not infidelity because he's married!

Okay. All of MC's bullshittery is really crystallized in that "I'm messed up" statement. 1) The whole "I have issues"—because get it?? She's damaged! JUST LIKE BLACK PEOPLE WHO ARE OPPRESSED BY SYSTEMIC RACISM. And 2) "All I do is work." Because doing blow and molly and hopping into a record studio to sing while…

Wait a minute. "She was busy with track meets and helping him complete his homework"? What?

“I’m pro-cat, but this is absurd. Like, I know I could've just walked the rest of the way to work, but it's hot outside and I'm super hangry. Some kittens gonna die today."

So now I have to dig my old Little Mermaid VHS out of my parents' attic. Thanks, man.

No way. I draw the line at the personal trainer. I refuse to take time away from my baby, so I just had my personal chef make lots of low-calorie paleo meals for the first six months. Nothing's too good for my bay-bay!!

This is very true, and I think you could extrapolate it even further to "you are the author of your own universe. You can choose whether or not to go back to work, and if you do go back to work, you will figure out how to balance your work and home life so that you can be on-call 24 hours a day and drop everything at…

California, NY, and I'm sure a few other east coast states. Maybe Washington? California is one of the only states with paid family leave. You get 12 weeks at something like 55% of your paycheck. I will say though that I only ended up getting about three-quarters of what I was owed because they said I missed a certain…

"You might need to trade in the Ferrari for something cheaper and more sensible, like a Lexus."

I feel like this needs a study attached to it to really make it sound like a legitimate MRA post. Like "did you know that 75% of new fathers report feelings of intense hunger from not eating while their wife is giving birth?!" Or "90% of fathers report experiencing feelings of dismay and dissatisfaction because the…

I don't get how you're equating a sex act between consenting adults to non-consensual groping. Do you understand what consent means? If I'm having a consensual sexual relationship with someone and he slaps me on the ass, that's not the same thing as getting slapped on the ass BY MY BOSS.

Totes, brah. Like, if these bitches wanted to be treated like human beings, they shouldn't have gone to work with breasts and asses, AMIRITE?!! Like, if a politician just needs to let off a little steam by grabbing an ass, or licking a cheek, or fondling a child, or burning a puppy with cigarettes, who are we to say…

It's a very likely possibility. She's been saying for years that she wants to write a book on how the feminist movement has actually set women back and how birth control and abortion now makes it possible for men to have all the obligation-free sex they want. Once a year she brings this up and says "you and I should…

Well the weird thing is that she really doesn't like listening to people complain about their lives, so I'm really clinging to the hope that she'll get the Ph.D. and then decide to use it for something other than talking to people...

Yay! Bat-shit-crazy mom stories! Here's mine: my mom is the worst kind of religious fanatic—the inconsistent kind. She has eight kids by three different fathers and three of her pregnancies were out-of-wedlock (each by a different guy). But she was super hardcore about my siblings and I never having sex before…

Wait a minute. You've met all three Hanson brothers and one of them winked at you? This changes everything. You win. Forever.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GREEN?!?! OMG—ARE YOU A RACIST DUCK?!

I fucking hate racist ducks.

I also used to consider myself a pro-life feminist a long time ago, until I had my son and realized that forcing women to carry unintended pregnancies to term is the biggest crime you can commit against children. All of these issues are interconnected.