You know what really sucks? That self-proclaimed feminist Jill Filipovic draws a distinction between rocket scientists and moms. Because clearly, you can't be both.

Do you realize that everything you're describing is simply the opposite of stereotypically "feminine" traits? Being a man means not being weepy and hysterical...like women? Or being tempered—not childishly impulsive and rash...like women?

I should also let you know that my kid is 19 months old and has learned how to unlock my iPhone, so he's basically a genius.

Oh yeah?? Your summer baby, my winter baby, right now—IQ test and comparison of Well Check visit notes. It's on!

I was seriously wondering this, too. Like, it would be akin to writing "Dear Pumpkin, girls can't go to space, silly billy! Where's that Easy Bake Oven I got you for Christmas? Go play with that."

Sometimes I seriously start to think that the whole financial collapse was orchestrated by shadowy corporate players who simply wanted a more dedicated work force. Think about it: the economy's bad, so you're not going to get married or have kids or go on any vacations, so no distractions there. And because of the…

My son and I are sensitive to cow's milk so I probably spend like, $5000 a year on goat's milk, goat cheese, goat yogurt, goat butter... I'm trying to talk my husband into moving out to the country and getting goats under the guise of cost savings and productivity, but I just want some adorbs goat cuddles!

I NEED this goat. Right now. Or my heart will explode.

I'm supposed to be working right now and I just CAN'T EVEN OH MY FUCKING SHITBALLS GOD DAMN FFFFFFFFUCK!

I bet he's so bad in bed. Like, he probably just expects all the blowjobs and doesn't offer anything in return. And he's probably a premature ejaculator. #MakingMyselfFeelBetter

"What now, bro?"

I was all mad and then I read "uterine surprise" and now I can't stop laughing. Uterine Surprise sounds like the name of some adorable little Main Street pastry shop...

Does anyone else feel conflicted about this? On the one hand—it's Republicans. I don't trust any of this BECAUSE REPUBLICANS. Republicans don't give two shits for poor kids who rely on school lunches to be the only guaranteed meal they'll get for the day.

I maintain a pretty even-keeled paleo diet, as do a handful of my friends, and I honestly don't know anyone who's like, "I'm going back to nature! I'm going to strangle a fish with my bare hands!" I really, seriously doubt anyone actually eats paleo because they think they're eating more like a caveman. It's more…

The best Fridays are the ones where I check on my favorite feminist blog and find a pic of Taylor Hanson drinking beer. BEST FRIDAY EVER.

True story: in the 8th grade, I was cited for wearing "frayed" jeans (the hems of my jeans were frayed from getting stepped on all the time because I was fucking 13), which the dress code banned for some reason. They made me take them off in favor of a pair of school-brand sweatpants, but they didn't have any mediums.…

God damn it, China! It's time to knock this shit off!

And my lady crush on Lindy West grows. This is legitimately the best, ever.

Good God. Is the idea that it's never okay to grope a woman without her consent THAT difficult for everyone to compute? Jesus, Mary and Joseph!