|joke|~~~~~~~~~~>|you|

I have to explain to her that it’s not alchemy or magic that transmutes peppercorns into pepper

There’s a special section in heaven reserved for people who have had to deal with old people arguing over change.

When I worked at Starbucks, people would tell me they were allergic to foam when ordering their no foam lattes.

I hope your asshole writes a bestseller countering all of your dick’s accusations, and that the two of them become embroiled in a decades-long media feud.

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

My dad was like that. I love brussels sprouts know, but hated them growing up. One time when I was 6 he told me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I had eaten all my sprouts.

Get ready for comments like “kids should eat whatever is served to them or starve!”

Except for last summer when he dragged them to a final while Higuain and Aguero took a month-long nap...

They’re joking that they’re going to go to inflate them because they’re fed up with Brady bitching at them for not deflating them enough. It’s pretty clear.

Yes.

Well, the cast has spoiled SNL for the past 15 years, so there is that.

OMG, men saving baby animals. I can’t.

They don’t deserve to be called pussy. Or A-List.

Seriously, that line was just plain tacky. And sexist. Who are those women anyway? I have no idea, but they deserve better.

Flanked by A-list pussy...

Alternate Title:

Kudos to the Steak & Shake waitress...a stupid question deserves that kind of answer.

that last story... I was crossing my fingers the management was going to kick this horrible POS woman out of PF Chang's but NOPE!!!! that made it the worst story of this bunch by a landslide.