Of all the things you could call seasoned mayo, why oh why oh why did he go with “Donkey Sauce?” NO ONE has good thoughts after hearing that.

But he can step off making fun of Ina Garten. That woman is a damned good cook, and her recipes always work. You know if you’re using something she wrote, it has been tested to within an inch of its life and the results are reproducible. Sure, she’s privileged, but she owns it and she is good at what she does.

Say what you will about Guy Fieri, but that man is living his best life. Look at that man’s happiness! He exudes pure, unbridled joy! I don’t get it, but I’m not gonna knock him for it.

Remember, the real villain is the kid who takes a couple grand, not the coach and school who make millions off that kid’s labor.

They did WHAT?!?!?

That’s call capitalism. America’s built on that. Cam Newton is what’s great about America.

Forget the obvious racism, when the fuck is the NFL going to not only allow but encourage people to dance, have group celebrations, do anything that isn’t actually vulgar(no jerking off motions or actual mooning) for 30 seconds after a TD? The fucking commercial, kick or 2 pt try, commercial, kick off, commercial…

If you have any questions about women, just ask me. I have a girlfriend, but you wouldn't know her—she's a model who lives in Canada.

I’m...I’m kidding. I’ve never even talked to a woman.

oversexed, arrogant, and a danger to kids.

Does this asshole have a rule about not putting the sandwiches in a bag, too. I hate that they do that.

Who undoubtedly specializes in wills and probate for very large estates and trusts and has no contact with actual clients EVER.

Is he related to Papa John? Both so punchable.

Did he look like this?

HOLY CRAP. THAT’S JIMMY JOHN?

Straw Lady was disappointing. Because she had the chance to literally walk next door and punch Jimmy John Liautaud in the face.

I was always a fan of customers throwing fits over stupid policies. That’s usually the only way to get rid of a stupid policy. They certainly won’t listen to employees about it.

I began ignoring the straw policy after that, and the manager dutifully ignored my ignoring of said policy.

What is it with strange customers and soup? I never thought I’d have a story to contribute here because I’m a bookseller, but it turns out I’ve got one for you.

For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.