Ellis would be such a good girl's name! Also awesome person to be named after.

I spend most weekends sloshed and disillusioned.

Ain't no party like a Gatsby party, 'cause a Gatsby party is a metaphor for the emptiness of the American dream.

That's right! I purposely and defiantly IGNORE this bourgeois tradition. We barely get any anymore because I don't reciprocate. I don't want to see your kids dressed up and posed for a Christmas card any more than you want to see mine. Fuck that. We only get them from in-laws now because they're bound by their…

My neighbor has bees, too. The first time I saw her in her beekeepers suit out my kitchen window early one morning (pre-coffee), I was seriously like WTF and thought I must be hallucinating.

Ew, CHRISTMAS CARDS?? Fuck that shit.

However, nothing could be done to protect Figueroa and her children as her lawyer didn't show up for the court

Hey, just like Tamurlan Tsarnaev! It's almost like violence towards women indicates a violent, scary person or something.

I treat musicians like Pokemon and am in the process of catching them all.

The reason you are getting this kind of reaction is that whenever the topic is cosmetics, there are men who make roughly the same comment. Often, and I am not accusing you of this, when you interact with them further, it turns out that they feel mystified that the women they know continue to wear make-up, as if their…

That makes too much sense. They'd rather go with the over reaction.

Oh, you don't have to tell me. I went to Passages Malibu for my addiction to cocaine and white wine spritzers. It was like prison only WORSE. I went in to do my daily chest presses and THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GYM. I had to share space with other sweaty addicts, and the trainer they assigned me wasn't even…

Hmm let me see if I can get a quick code segment for trash disposal for a manbot.

I'm not sure I'm even comfortable associating with you on the Internet at this point...

If my dog got a tattoo, it would a tramp stamp right on her lower back that said "PLEAZ SCRATCH HERE"

Maybe go for a circle of hot rod flames? Poor puppy. My Jack Russell did his ACL jumping off my bed, presumably to go bark at absolutely fucking nothing. We had to keep him in a baby's playpen, which he chewed to bits. Because he's an arsehole.

I swear, it works in the preview.

I never could figure out exactly what they were looking for, anyways. If there was a lump down there big enough to be found by sticking your fingers in and groping around, I would have found it already and it would be the reason I was in the doctor's office in the first place. And also cosigned - I HATE having my…

I'm afraid of women. Well, not afraid... maybe intimidated? Maybe it's because I've never really had to fight for anything in my life. White male privilege takes one a long way even if it's not intended. My point is, most of the women I've met in my life have seemed so much stronger than me. Like they're so much more…

You guys, this is what Bieber's tattoo looks like, so you don't have to click through.