In first grade I was trying desperately to make it to restroom, but ended up just puking into my hands in the hallway. Luckily a teacher was passing by and got paper towels and took me to the nurse’s office.

I threw up in class in first or second grade. It just kept coming out of me.

Right! :/

I'm in a bind. My face tends toward oblong, so I'm supposed to wear a ballet or other type of wide-ish shoulder, but I have shoulders like a football player, so I am supposed to wear V neck or scoop neck, (also because I have large breasteses) and then my nose is growing about a cm. for every month that I'm alive, so…

I worked at a restaurant for a summer as a server, and a guy came asking if I could hide an engagement ring in a box at the bottom of a basket of fries, and put a single candle on the table to make things more romantic.

I don't think the parents were trying to make fois gras.

I tell everyone that my favorite Harry Potter book is "The Half-Blood Prince," but it's actually "The Chamber of Secrets." I just want people to think I'm cool and intellectual!

I think I needed to be a little older to fully appreciate it. Some of the passages are fucking incredible, like the scene where the author describes the burning of fruit in front of starving people. I mean SHIT.

Man, white people have the worst pinatas.

Who knew a story about a guy randomly deciding to cut open a dead porcupine could be so heart-warming?

Maybe it's because I was a tiny baby in the 80s, but I've never understood the appeal of Joan Collins. Every time she opens her mouth the worst shit flys out. It's like hair is so big because that's where she keeps her terrible.

I feel like the last sentence was very tongue in cheek, but I found K-Swiss to be super comfy for 8 hours. I did catering for a few months and then landscaping for several years. Those shoes were the bomb!

Shoes for crews.

Dansko clogs. They're not cheap, but they last forever, and you can sometimes get a great deal at sierra trading post. (I'm wearing 8 year old clogs that have 5 years of teaching on them)

Dansko's aren't cheap, but they sometimes go on sale, and they last. My sister bought me a pair for my birthday five years ago (she waitressed and swears by them), and they were still nice enough to wear to job interviews this year. Moreover, some of the shoes they make have just enough style that you look vaguely…

I worked in restaurants for 5 years. I went Dansko and never went back. It made all the difference in my leg/lower back/shoulder pain that was so common at the end of my shifts. They're not cheap up front, but they last forever. $120/5 years - $30 a year. Cheap shoes are, what, $30/pair and you have to replace them…

Chino as young detective Gordon?!!!

I, without regret, also know what Nina Dobrev is talking about because I am a 31 year old who watches the Vampire Diaries. And, pretty much the whole CW lineup. Again, without regret.

This study, I'm assuming, was done by the National Institute of Grumbling Sitcom Fathers. Next on their docket is Wearing Pants Too Low: America's Silent Killer.