Just about the first part:
Damn, that happened to me, too. But I was laughing so haedrd when I noticed the door locked. Pity, but so buggy funny that I did not mind it happening . Kind of reminded me of Snatch.

They were just trying to exchange their insurance information! All 100 of them!

Dramatic Howard is that guy who fucked up his ACL in intramural football because he attemtped some misguided cut against Pike. But, you know, he "totally gets" what Adrian Peterson had to go through and his rehab was-

"Running over bike riders is in no way justifiable" - I respectfully disagree.

The first rule of Fight Club is, unfortunately, no sports bras allowed.

They should resign Tebow and make him a nose tackle because, you know, intangibles.

Still the best football team in New York, baby!

FINALLY this guys has done something I'm happy about.....not subjecting me to himself for the playoffs.

Well, that settles it. I mean, the Bible has been proven infallible over and over again.

It's easy to be that brazen when you know you're going to be back behind bars before long anyways.

I've found that pulling my own pants down in public doesn't help me score, either.

The Moment The Pirates Reached The Playoffs

Sure, it's bad, but the person that you should really have sympathy for is his doppelgänger from another dimension, Rashad Finger.

Bitch, plea bargain.

"What they get you for?"

Make it arraign!

"Stay off the grass-covered portion of the legal parcel of real propery over which I continue to hold a common law right of redemption!"

Guys, this is just a Kenan Thompson SNL sketch.

"Excuse me, sirs, do you have a moment to talk about that awful fucking call? Jesus Christ!"