To be fair, if the only time you ever hear the price of a beverage is at a major professional sports event, $20 for a gallon of milk is about right.

I read the Drew’s today, oh boy
About a plucky man who named the rain
Another dude was rather fat
Well, I just had to laugh
I saw Chris Farley’s ass

A brew is noted for its can
It doesn’t matter if the Lite has changed
A row of people stood at Camden
Now, let me be clear
Nobody is really sure if lemons have two seeds or more

—Th…

That’s nothing. Mike McCarthy has been an uncredited extra in every episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.

There’s even a book!

David:

Capital One giving out free coffee and snacks is amateur hour. My dry cleaner gives out free hot dogs on the weekend so I grabbed one, got in my car, took a bite and it immediately shat mustard all over my thighs and shorts.  Now THAT is playing the long game bitches. 

at least you can still write about them :(

I empathize with this far more than I should.

“So you could say this is a textbook case of impermissible benefits.” [fumbles sunglasses while trying to put them on]

Sometimes, in these rarest of times, I'm glad to have spent the amount of time I've spent on Twitter.

I just left a hipster coffee shop.  It was PACKED with former Dallas Cowboys practice squad rejects talking about how shoe companies funnel money to players for NCAA recruiting efforts.

But then you’d just end up with a Brontësaurus. 

McCarthy was like a father to Aaron.

If the Panthers really believed that not having sex genuinely makes the mind stronger then, for the love of god, you’d think someone would tell Luke Kuechly.

Servais-y reminder: If you are ever in Japan to see Ichiro play, be sure to see a baseball game tomorrow.

MSU reinforcing bad behavior when they should be reinforcing their seats.

“She didn’t have a lot of talent, she was just kind of a horse. But she was my horse,” Bernstein said, adding, “and she had just been accepted at USC!”

You are there to answer some damn questions.

Looking forward to the “Who is the oldest person you have ever sexually assaulted?” questions at next year’s combine.

This happens more than you'd think. More so among National League owners who refuse to employ designated hitters.