But he loves missing TD’s. 

“LET’S LET THE LEGAL SYSTEM HANDLE THIS BEFORE WE RUSH TO ANY CONCLUSIONS”

The consensuses seems to be:

“Fake shoes!" 

Braun: “I’m just happy we got the win. This is exactly how you want to kick off the new year.” 

Boy he’s gonna be really surprised when he hears about 9/11. 

I think it’s OK to love watching a player on a divisional rival. Back in the day, I look forward to Stevie Y making the Blackhawks miserable. And I admire Aaron Rodgers. 

Just show up in it. What are they really going to do? They’re French.

Neither yours nor Drew’s lists mention bubble gum flavor. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Well played.

“DADDDDYYYYYY DIDNT GIVE ATTENTIOONNNNNNN”

My wife, a lovely and thoughtful woman, purchased a very expensive Redskins jacket for my birthday a couple of years ago. What she hadn’t realized is I had abandoned this morally bankrupt team and cringed at the thought of wearing the fucking jacket in public. 

Coincidentally, she had also been imploring me to lose…

Nothing good happens after 9:30.

That’s gonna be a close call. Let’s check with the booth in New York.

Joakim Noah’s nude ass appeared on Santa Monica Boulevard

Isn’t the job description of PGA of America professionals literally to deal with hackers?

To the dear readers that didn’t read that sordid tale, this probably sounds like a phenomenal Dennis Miller-esque quip. Nicely done. 

You could say that Andy is... an upset ex-employee of the Roanoke Times.

When did they start installing turf in migrant children’s detention centers?

The last time I cried at 3am was the first night home from the hospital with our newborn son. My stupid wife ate the rest of the cookie dough ice cream, and I got upset. Almost woke the baby.