That’s nothing - I’ll be working at my job until I’m at LEAST 65. And I don’t even like it! 

Is it just me watching this hypothetical jack off movie, or are St. Peter and angels and stuff in there too? And if so, are they just watching me masturbate, or can they see what I’m masturbating too? And also, do I get snacks and stuff during, because this is going to be a loooong movie.

Initial reports have PacMan avoiding the confrontation, grabbing something to eat, and then seeking out his attacker.

Does the contract also say they can’t rotate the panther?

I’m sure these kids have seen enough divers the last few days.

Hunter never met a tab he didn't like. 

Parents on one flight, kids on the other?

Don’t!

If this thread shows up as the last item in Anthony Bourdain’s internet history, I won’t be shocked.

Why do lawyers insist on using those black highlighters?

“In an altered paranoid state, believing ordinary citizens were government officials that were tracking him and recording him.”

I could see how this would be difficult for someone so used to going...
*Puts on shades*
unnoticed.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

He probably shouldn’t have married a belly-itcher.

I agree. At the last one I was at I yelled very loudly that we were just celebrating a meaningless distinction of a social construct.

In closing, we only have about 3 weeks left

If both Beatles and Stones are on your list, then where the hell’s the Kinks? They’re practically an amalgamation of the two!

Ketchup+Vodka. Right?

even though gin and tonics are gross

I can type fast as hell with 95% confidenve that I’m going to hir the right key, up until a month ago when I vut the tip of my legt index finger off. Now I hace to look at the keyboard whrn I type, dur to lack of range, and I found that when I look at the keyboars and not the screen, UI maje more mistakse

I can still hear my breath. In. Out. In. Out. Yet still, the silence was deafening. And then he said the words every man, woman and child would never forget: “One small step for man. One giant leap for mankind.” A human being had touched the surface of the moon. Well, two, if we’re counting me.