Now I understand, and I applaud The Amazing Sneijderman for his nuanced way of helping other people cognitively deal with the horror of child rape. I will try harder to come up with a serious critique next time. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways.

I don't know what I expected, really. I was just hoping for provocative discussion with the author sprinkled with the occasional earth-shattering anonymous tip from a famous athlete using a burner account.

Only those circle-jerkers make jokes now. On the new Deadspin, you take everything at face value.

Fair enough. From now on, I will enter all of my life situations thinking "child rape is bad." I hope that somewhat quells your disturbance.

I like jokes, just not ones that make me think too hard. That is why I keep coming over to Fittish. I heard they have a new writer who toils exclusively in the art of simplistic humor.

I was stating facts, not jokes.

I didn't come here to read jokes. If you cannot come up with a serious opinion like "child rape is bad," then you might consider retiring.

Some people may call them snitches, but I think the girls were completely justified in running straight to the authorities.

*does math*

No, it's not obligatory. No YouTube video, presented without comment, is ever obligatory in a written comment section.

"So typical! I was at the same game-where are my pictures? [thinks for a second] Never mind."

Worst comments on the best dunks of the year, ranked:

All right, a serious one.

"He then said 'biscuit' like five more times..."

When they finally want to kill that major once and for all.

Well, no wonder he's been on a slump recently - he's just as excited to get a participant ribbon as he is to win.

This is such bullshit. If I wanted to see good sports-related jokes get drowned out by a bunch of fucking nonsense spewed by idiots, I'd comment on Deadspin.

After digesting that $5 foot long, this still remains the second worst Subway accident I've ever been witness to.

He's still one of the classiest Denney's you're going to find in Florida.

This is horrifying to watch, Greg. I don't think I've ever seen someone botch the start of a race so badly.