Holder: "and to top everything off, a Nelly song came on"

So it popped the Mascherano cherry?

Rob Ryan: Buffet fan, buffet fan

Texas Rangers Internal Memo

Guerrero: I just bought new vehicle Miguel. But it doesn't work. How do I make a van go?

Girl my dick is like James Joyce: long and hard and forced on you in English class

Damn girl can I call you Dorothy Parker 'cause your ass is rounder than an Algonquin table

It seems like this is an apt metaphor for something.

!

Close:

Converse exec: Dammit! Since Meb won Boston, Skechers' market share has increased over ours by 15%! We have to do something!

Recruit: (attends Rice)

So naive. If you really want benefits, snake oil is where it's at

That defense is pretty weak, it's not like anyone has ever *asked* to be roofied.

He jumps so high and fast my telescope detected a red shift

Thank you, freebase God

Shelter Worker: All these little guys are looking for a home. Would you be interested in this cat named Eli Manning? Or over here is a cute little puppy, we named him Tom Brady. And here's a bird we named Cam Newton. And this little guy is JaMarcus Russell.

"What a shit manager!"

All the signs told him he should stop and just put the camera away, but he's a bicyclist.

Foul ball locations, one week later: