I did that, actually, although in the end I went with another dress. I was incredibly impressed with the quality and turnaround time. To me, it was worth the risk for that small amount of money, but may not be for everyone.

Same, except actually went with a bridesmaid's dress. Grabbed it when it was on sale online, since I knew I'd be able to return it if it didn't work. Had it tailored for all of $60.

Me too, I went with champagne for the same reason.

I did that with J Crew. I knew I wasn't going to go the dress salon route because of an awful experience as a bridesmaid. J Crew was having a sale, the dress was returnable if I didn't love it... BHLDN is a great option for the same reason.

Yes, it is a long process. Or, at least, it's a difficult process. Admitting that they fear being vulnerable would go a loooong way to opening themselves up to other people.

Maybe, but I also think it's part of that toxic male culture that says getting help from, say, a therapist for some self-examination, or even a life coach, would admit to a weakness. There are just some self images that people can't tolerate.

I've heard plenty of stories where women are told they don't need as much money because they have husbands to earn for the family.

I think that's all true, but I also think that people can be more than a maladaptive mindset — although obviously that mindset can be a completely take over their way of being in the world. Honestly, I just don't know what these guys are like, and I'm not sure that for a lot of them, it's not so different than women…

The question is how misogynistic are they when they first walk in the door?

Do you think that applies to guys who plunk down their hard earned cash to attend these seminars? I would think there's some variety there.

Thanks for that. Everything you say makes a lot of sense and strikes me as true.

Unfortunately, you're right.

Do not presume that you speak for most men, let alone most women. You do not. My closest relationship is with a man — my husband — and I have had extremely close relationships with men in the past. They were a lot more worried about my well being — as I was with theirs — than they were about the specter of alimony…

I've had sex with, oh, lotsa men. None of them were sleazy. None of them followed these rules. They were likable and we were into each other, at least sexually.

Excellent, excellent point.

You don't ever choke a person without explicit before-hand consent, and safe words. Haven't you been following the Jian Ghomeshi story? People who meet at BDSM clubs do not do this without explicit consent. (And even then most consider choking to be going too far, or at least wouldn't do it with someone they've had…

Guys have so many rules, I don't know how you do it.

I wouldn't assume the numbers are lower for women. Certainly women who pursue relationships with partners who treat them poorly do not have a good personal sense of what healthy relationships entail (or don't believe they deserve to be in one).

You know that men benefit from marriage and women benefit from being single on every measure out there, right (financially, happiness, health)? Women are stepping back from marriage — that's why you can have premarital sex now.

Fair points. To be clear, I'm in no way trying to defend them. I just do feel sorry for them because many are clearly in pain, even it's pain caused by being "spoiled".