She was so drunk she thought she was a wizard. 

Forget it, Jake. It’s Kinja.

lol

There’s only one thing I hate more than grammar pedants…

an

Putin. Putin adores access to 45.

She resembles that other feckless cunt, the one who was pretend-fucking the wife beater while she was bobbing on the tiny cheeto knob.

“My beautiful beauty”?

Who am I supposed to be rooting for in this scenario?  

Using his logic, Target has stolen tens of thousands of dollars from me over the year. They have NEVER bought anything from me! There’s yuge trade deficit with Target! Now, I’ve put on a 25% tariff from everything I buy from Target. That’ll show me!

One can hope. 

She’s not going to fuck you, dude. 

There were a few studies done to see if there are actually any physiological differences between liberals and conservatives.. and it turns out there are.. via brain scans,

The Earth that your generation trashed?

I taste bad.

Mr. Trump complained, according to the book, that his children “didn’t know how to play the game” and generated cycles of bad press.

I’ve never understood this notion that saying “whatever you want” is unbound by political correctness. There are such things as tact, manners, and respect, and all of those concepts have existed far longer than political correctness.

This is my favorite thing in the history of all things.

Kim Jong Un would fuckin’ crush Trump at golf.

My guy, my dude, my bro-ski, just admit you didn’t want to lose to a girl.