Ever eaten sushi at Sushi Haru, oh about 135th and Stateline, I think Leawood? Just a strip mall looking joint, and ima telling you! Try the dragon roll. Worth it. Jack Stack in Martin City pretty good, too. The food trucks east of Benton on Independence Ave the bomb for tamales and corn on a stick, plus the best 9…

Um, not if you’ve seen how that candy is made, NO

Sleeping off the Adderall rails. 

The onliest funny joke i ever heard joan rivers tell was she heard a woman screaming in an ajoining hotel room, and she wondered, is it murder? Or Epilady?

I stole a rat from the high school science lab. He was going to be murdered, then dissecting. Put him in my bib overalls and rode home on the bus. He was a very nice, clean he-rat. Fortunately, my father went apeshit for him, drove around town with him on the dash of the car, made a lovely home for him in a living…

The very minute g-pa died, my aunt stole a family heirloom, ran outside and locked it in the trunk of her car. Again, he drew his last breath, women were wailing, and her first thought was securing an object meant for another. So i feel ya 

Sweetie, a German milkmaid sounds just cute as all hell. 

A dude came in the ER one night with a huge MRSA boil on his coccyx. Doc injected 2% lidocaine all around the thing to numb the area before incision and drainage. This.....pressurized....the boil to an alarming degree. The doc then grinned at me and plunged a 14 gauge needle (without syringe) into it, causing a pus…

The answer to all questions regarding motivation is either sex or money. Wonder which it was?

Yes sir! I imagine Mueller patted him on the back, brought him a diet coke, said, “I understand, Mike.”

You are seeing them jump ship if a fat fuck sycophant like Christie doesn't want the job that puts him closest to the Center of Power. 

Wanna be friends? After all, we be grey.

Replying to self: Hey, self. Imagine the moment if in 50 yrs Menendez gets out and they hand him his early 90s semi-mullet. 

I turned in a college psych essay, oh about ‘08, and the instructor told me her husband, a psychologist, ran it through some sort of plagiarism algorithm(s). She snickered telling me this. Because passive aggressive. I was a middle aged bibliophile returning to college, so yeah, I wrote it. She knew it and was…

“Lickspittle” oh you lovely curmudgeon/termagant you

Lyle Menendez. Hairpiece confiscated right there in the jug.

Also, the senile anger when crossed or confused. 

Off topic: I recently drove by one of those digital signs outside a small hospital announcing the birth of Ammo Hunter "Jones," a bouncing baby boy. Fucking wow.

Dementia. I am calling it, having spent my entire 40 year professional career amongst these folks..Also my mother has what she calls “The More-So Theory.” The older we get, the More So we are. Misogynist asshole? The More So. Denier of facts? The More So. Mom’s a fucking genius. You don’t want to hear about her “One…

Quick question: as I am innocently watching Chris Cuomo on YouTube, I am constantly interrupted by commercials starring some overly groomed metrosexual gent saying stuff like “...Anthony Bourdain criticized Hilary Clinton and now he’s dead....” Of course, I exit rapidly, but I’d like to know, who IS this douchebag?…