Wild turkeys that feel comfy in their surroundings are mean motor scooters. They run fast and low with their head and neck extended. Once arriving at the Target, they leap in the air, spurring at your eyes, flogging the piss out of you with their wings, pecking, always the pecking on your face. So, yeah. It seems…

A to the men. Nursing just as awful.

his idea is that all ‘white” people will use the word in private. Or if sufficiently provoked? I dunno, I’m not a user of crude vernacular. (Tho’ Donald Trump is just a cunt.)

Lemme ask you something... my man, who is black, (me? Jewbird) absolutely insists I will/ have used the word. No, mom raised me right, sorry, no. What gives? It is an odd hill to die on, right?

PINK AND GREEN! PINK AND GREEN! (Tho’ Telescopic is pretty good)

You re perfect for the Press Secretary mannikin. What are you doing tonight? Bring a bucket and some of that heavy window caulk, silicone if possible. Oh! And a tarp.

Oh, FUCK no, it’s a snap. First you make a wee mud homunculus, cover with the jizz of a black goat ( one ran up on the porch from the adjoining farm when I was a lass, square pupils it had and a PAIR OF BALLS UNDER ITS CHIN, I saw ‘em) recite “Kellyanne, do all you can” spit thrice, you re done. Ratings gold.

I am a woman rider, 1300 Honda Sabre. A flipping rabbit ran under my shifter foot, jumped, striking his head on my peg/ foot, turned and ran away. No biggie, but it felt pretty strange.

My son is a Marine stationed in an aircraft carrier near Turkey and I’m terrified. God preserve him and our country. I’m sick. This man has no clue what he’s doing.

I had a patient come by ambulance to my ER..she was in respiratory failure. I noticed she had fresh tobacco on her breath. I said, “Did you smoke a cigarette waiting for the ambulance?! My god, this is going to kill you!” She said (I kid you not) “but I LIKE to smoke.” At this point her eyes rolled up and she…

There are two standing sets of orders, that is, things I immediately handle without a doctor..one is cardiac protocol, the other anaphylaxis. No time to call the doc, just get ON IT. The worst I saw was a fella that ate a roll of powdered donuts. His tongue was so swollen it looked like transparent pink glass. His…

I worked with the meanest old bitch of an ex Army nurse in the ER. The woman had the balls of a brass monkey, bless her heart. The ONLY fear she ever showed was in the face of anaphylaxis. The story went, young Mexican woman, OTC penicillin, death by anaphylaxis. Allergies no joke.

Buy or rent time machine, go back to 70's, purchase case of ole timey Chapstik, the waxy stuff. I’ll split the cost. And, oh! Please bring back a bottle of Aviance.

Ambit fade cream. It is very inexpensive and effective. Blemishes cease, and those odd pigment spots Old White Women get at the crease of the jaw fade away. I’m 54 and have peachy skin.

I dunno if it was pre-childbirth hormones, but my usual propensity to pick up ear worms went into overdrive before my last child was born. The Worm was (god) Peter Pumpkinhead. It was playing at high volumn between labor pains. The worst.

I had a coy of Farmer Boy when I was a kid. It was an old hardback, very tattered. Years later, I found the same exact (my) copy in a flea market. How it got there is anyone’s guess, but it’s mine again.

My brother just texted me we are minutes from finding out the name of Trump’s childhood sled

I went through nursing school TWICE. LPN and RN. I took many many notes. If you must write, get some Varsity disposable fountain pens. $24 for a box of twelve on Amazon. Fountain pens actually paint the ink onto paper, no pressure on your hands as the ink just flows out of the nib. I'll swear by this! My A and P notes…

Yes. Sandler has the meanest eyes ever

Most lucid comment