Clive Owen is not wildly attractive. He is ALL the attractive and I would watch a three hour film of him reading the phone book.

I will start a fundraiser for that script.

4/20 Would watch.

That’s amazing! You should tell Dr. Oz about that!

Try natural Native American herbs. Hold them under a crystal pyramid and pray to the Illuminati.

Where can I buy a pair of those climbing shoes?!

Oh, do not feel ashamed. You are strong.

God damn, just start locking every woman in a state-mandated chastity belt.

Full Beauty online (formerly OneStopPlus) has some great stuff and some great sales. Not everything they offer is a winner, but I’ve gotten a bunch of absolutely perfect blouses for work.

Lady pillows are made of unicorn skin and stuffed with angel feathers.

Is the Hulk...throwing a bear?!

Oh, that gross hack sound. It will wake me up out of a sound sleep.

YES! Most of my house has hardwood floors. Where do the cats throw up? On the throw rugs.

One of mine drops the toys into the water dish.

I lost a gorgeous, good-sized mermaid lamp thanks to my cats.

This is Archer, named after Sterling Archer. He, too, has been known to go on a rampage. He enjoys knocking over my small living room wastebasket. One day I was sitting on the couch and caught him in the act. I told him ‘No!’. He looked at me from those calm blue eyes, slowly reached out a paw, and knocked the…

And it’s the teenager who’s acting like the grown-up one in this.