“Jeb Bush (pronounced “Heb Boosh”)“ - this figuratively killed me.

‘Hummus’? Sounds foreign and probably Muslim to me...eat spray cheese like a good American!

I’m the manager of a branch library at a university - and a woman in my mid-40s. My current boss (whose office is in another building on campus - autonomy is great!) took the position of ‘Head of Access Services’ (basically in charge of all departments that deal with patrons) right in the middle of a big shift of…

She realized she has no talent?

How is this even a thing in this day and age? I'm 46. I've never had children, and never will. Quite frankly, children are gross - hey, that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it! Seriously, though, how is this such a deal that it warrants a whole book? It's nobody's damn business whether or not any woman has a child.

FlyGuy did it better.

What is this 'toilet paper' of which you humans speak?

Everyone go home, we have a winner!

I am a certified space doctor, and can see about saving your head...

SO GENOCIDE

About god-damned time.

Damn, that's right! How did I get that wrong?

Styrofoam.

Pork and beans?! I'll take some of that!

Wait a minute...I know that black guy!

If the universe collapses into a black hole we know who to blame!

She's at home in the kitchen, where she believes all women should be.

What is that giant glowing day ball?!?

Pink ponies for everyone!