My eyes!! Oh, now I've fallen into sin and debauchery!

Sorry, dude. Children are gross. I'll stick with my cats, thank you.

My real name is awesome, but my sister was almost named 'Music Alexandria'.

"Dear god, what did I do to deserve this?!"

Now, that is some fantastic advice! That'll be the next tattoo I get with my food stamps, right after I have my eighth baby!

I believe you mean 'journalimist', as in someone who practices 'journalimism'.

Thank you, W, I'm so culturally enlightened now. Tomorrow I plan to go to my local Indian cultural center and see if I can get some monks to come to my next garden party.

I'm a clumsy eater too, and I totally gonna steal that last line of yours.

'We solved systemic anti-Native American racism.'

Oh, I'm scowling on the outside but laughing on the inside!

Aw, thanks!

Oh my god! I just had a fight with my sister, only nobody knows or cares because I'm not famous!

Facts are confusing! *tee hee*

Me too! I tell 'em "Make it dark and crunchy!".

I look like that when I eat pizza.

The only horoscope I trust is from the only news source I trust: The Onion.

Finally! A description of gay sex that would look great on a Hallmark card!