I've been Zoidberg here for several years now (over at Wonkette, too), but never before has it been so appropriate a name!

*lowers head in shame* But Mooooooom! None of the other kids have to wear sunscreen!!

Thanks! I'm getting there...I just feel really stupid for doing such a silly thing as not having any sunblock on and then falling asleep for two hours in the high-altitude sun.

I was also almost exactly the same shade of red as the real Dr. Zoidberg!

Oh, Emma, I want to quit judging my body, but I fell asleep in the sun this past Saturday, got a super bad sunburn on my face, and it's at the stage where it's still really red but starting to peel! I look like a mummified boiled lobster.

I used to watch horse racing when I was young, because I was a horse-crazy girl. Once I started learning about the 'business' of racing, that was it for me. No more racing.

Looky, looky, look at my thorax!

Oooh, he's a keeper!

Ah-ha! An evil underground group of pool installers! Now it all makes sense...

"Freemasonry"? Nice to see that bigots are expanding. Now, I know the Masons are all members of the Illuminati and worship the devil and secretly control the world and so on and so forth. But my grandfather was a Mason, and the only thing he worshipped was money.

Oh god, this photograph...is moving!! Oh, man, I need someone to talk me down!

Oh my god, I just watched the clip. I'm more convinced than ever that my mind has snapped.

I'm sorry, it's already been a long week and I'm tired...does this headline say 'Watch Lil' Kim Go Undercover as a Pregnant Indian Woman' or has my mind finally snapped?

I always see her name as 'Cressida Bones', which just sounds like a Harry Potter character.

That made me laugh out loud, and now I have to wipe coffee off my computer.

No, I'm not shaming in any way - but why is Beyonce in bra and panties? Has the Dalai Lama or the pope or past presidents been pictured as most influential in their underwear?

Charles Manson was my first thought, too.

Man, I can't wait to see the action figures!

Dear god, this was hilarious!

Dear god, two women in positions of power in the White House?! What happens when their cycles sync, and they're super-bitchy, and then they bomb the hell out of some foreign country?!