I am judging you all over the place!

It's genetics, I know, but it's hard to think of him as the 'bad boy' he apparently wants to be seen as with that face. Seriously, look at the cover with him grabbing his junk; cover the face and it's any buff bod, uncover the face and it's a weird Photoshop job.

Damn! All the good ones are gay, married, or gay married.

Oh, Alzheimer's is so scary to me. Both my maternal grandfather and my maternal aunt died from this disease. My mother, thankfully, is 69 years old and still sharp as a tack - I'm a little worried about my chances.

Lip service! Just let me pay lip service!

Oh, how dare you?!

Give Amy a late night show. NOW.

Those who try to sit on the fence often get a board up their ass.

If I tip my hat to a man, does his head explode?

Bondage.

Damn, stuff like this makes me so freakin' mad. Flat-out child abuse.

Pinkie Pie does not approve.

As always, Colbert rules!

Hurray! People are paying attention to me!

And I honestly don't want to put up with any people at all. I love going home and finding no one there but my cats.

Oh, I just love to be alone. It's me and my cats, and that's it.

I'm single because I hate people.

This is a lovely dress!

He sounds fabulous! God knows I've been looking for a homophobic slut-shamer everywhere, and they're really hard to find!

She kinda looks like Miranda Cosgrove!