“And you can see that every action has an opposite and equal reaction. THAT is why we plunk the fucker.”

A better question is, “You just found out your true love has been fucking a goat every three months. Are they still your true love?”

A denim lawn.

Creepy Blond Original? Crying Botched Orgasm? Celebrating Biased Opinions? Crappy Basic Orange?

Did you major in false equivalencies in college, or is it an inbred trait?

Hayes continued, “It is extraordinarily imperative that the National Collegiate Athletic Association immediately institute legislation postulating a universally designated purveyor of inflatable leather spheroid,” before being punched in the face by the NCAA stenographer.

This is called the “Tolken strategy” - When in doubt? Eagles.

“Yes sir, welcome to the Marine room. Our specials today are a salmon en croute with a brown butter buerre blanc, truffled potato puree and an assortment of seasonal locally sourced seasonal greens or an...old bucket full of various fish parts.”

LMAO at “Big Metals”

I used to make dandelion stew and steal spices from my moms kitchen.

Note: Dandelion water does not taste any better with celery salt in it.

OMG! Carly is former Nightvale mayor Pamela Winchel! It all makes sense now!

Welcome. To Nightvale.

Anchor Julie Stewart-Binks suggested he should dance for her.

You are not alone.

Can we stop calling them dic pics, feels so over-used. I propose we start using the term “meat tweet”.

Well, it helps that you don’t have to line the pockets of the entire executive management staff at Lockheed-Martin.

And now, a haiku:

“I’m not sexist, but...”
“I’m not racist, but...”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but...”
“Ohmygod Becky look at her, but...”