Its only weird if you're aroused.

Seriously. The Desert Southwest - where office workers daydream about being a FedEx driver simply for the shorts and cotton polo.

Racer Bud Henthorn normally autocrosses a Chevette, but it was having mechanical troubles so he got a 1986 Celica rent-a-car and ran that instead.

That had everything a good ole redneck fight should have. A guy getting angry over seemingly nothing, a skinny dude with no shirt on coming out of nowhere to throw horrible punches, an overweight bald guy in a sleeveless shirt with no muscle tone coming in to "handle things" , a guy swinging an object(in this case a…

These thieves are obvious amateurs that will never be able to go pro.

I'm so sick of Northwest Arkansas and how they're in bed with Big Fiddle. It's like they don't even care that you're not a bluegrass band, they just see a violin and assume you're a threat, even if you're just a 3-year-old Chinese kid. Don't even get me started on East Tennessee and banjos. They shot Steve Martin…

One morning when I was a kid, I was late for work driving my first car, an '80 Omni 024. It had snowed the night before and was freezing cold at 7 am. I was passing cars in the barely plowed left of three lanes, and quickly performed a two lane change to the right lane around a left hand sweeper, when I hit a long…

Exactly why I love my B13 SE-R. The decals on mine notwithstanding, it's an entirely unpretentious car. Well built and rock-solid reliable, and even in the coveted SE-R trim there isn't much letting on to the fact that there's a SR20 crammed under the hood. It's not trying to be anything that it's not - it's just a…

ABC producer: Cut to the wife. Now cut to the girlfriend. Back to the wife. To the gf. To the wife. To Eli Maning. Back to the wife. To Tim Tebo. To Mickey Mouse. And the checker flag.

How many people were yelling at their TVs saying, "Full screen godammit!"?

Monaco + Indy 500 + Coca-Cola 600 = Least productive day of the year.

The obvious answer is the Granatelli Turbine Car. Helicopter turbine? Check. Sandbag Qualifying? Check. Lay waste to the field only to be sabotaged by a bearing failure in the drive train? Check.

And here I am clicking on another article because of a picture of a Stout Scarab, we must go deeper.

When the inevitable self-driving automated cars come to fruition, I hope they look like Stout Scarabs.

For behold, these things which have been made manifest unto me trouble my soul. I think we should have a day on Jalopnik where all paragraphs begin this way. For lo, it is written.

ugh.... It's been sooooo long since I had good Ewok.

You know what's interesting about these pedophiles and murderers that rely on these stickers to find their victims? They hang out at the same bar as Tooth Fairies, unicorns, dragons, and whole book clubs of Sasquatches. The bar, of course, is for things that don't fucking exist. Also, they serve Ewok meat.

I made this window sticker for my family hauler last week.