Thanks for doing this list, I was concerned all the world's insufferable Mexican food snobs were hanging out somewhere else on the internet today.

"Just don't get D's and F's, and you'll be fine."

[Reads headline]

"I KNEW IT! I knew there was a reason I loved watching him play, to the point where he gave me gigantic erections I felt compelled to hide!"

[Claps excitedly; shoots 'finger-guns;' flashes 1000-kW smile]
[Bangs Bonds-erection on concrete planter; gets Bonds-erection caught in nearby door]
[Claps…

We once had a bachelor party for Bonds. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

... 5:40 AM ...

Pictured: Rice practices for his community service work of re-teaching the severely-injured Tracy Morgan his best comic routines

hey, really great comment

*fart*

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The worst thing is how arrogant he's been about everything. You know, it's one thing to hit a woman, but to form a band in the off-season and shit-talk the woman's father in a song where you misuse the word rude? That's pathological.

Rice: Thanks a lot sweetie, I've been suspended two games.

+1 yard gain

Hello, Ray Rice's PR Man.

This is the dumbest asshole who can't find his pen since Girardi left Tanaka in too long

The complainant went to get a ketchup bottle to squirt Davis, but someone stopped her

Watkins was matched up against defensive coach Ray Ellis. Ellis had just minutes before put his clipboard down on the turf in hopes of throwing off the rookie WR. So yes, Watkins was tripping on the Ellis D.

Bird: Don't get too close guys. I heard you can die from contact.

Kirk Minihane at Perkins, Tomorrow Morning, Following Being Confronted by the Four Waitresses He Sees Each Day at Breakfast: I used a characterization to describe Perkins waitresses I shouldn't have used to describe Perkins waitresses, I'll cop to that. I don't think they're in especially smart or in-shape. I think…

At least he died doing what he loved: ruining a soccer game for everyone else involved.