T. Ennis caused quite a racket.

What is this beautiful substance? How has it not danced upon my tongue?

"Fifty-three yards into the wind? F that"

"I do about 98% of the grocery shopping for my family because my wife sucks at not spending our entire budget on miniature Gatorades and greek yogurt"

Grantland is the Goose Island IPA of sportswriting. Purporting to be a high-quality microbrew, but really is just the mass-produced product of a corporate monolith.

No prediction for Best Costume Design in a Foreign Language Non-Adapted Silent Documentary? Fuck you guys.

Okay, so what about my service dog, Frisbee?

What would you say is the single most important difference between the winning teams and the directionless ones?

University of Chicago: Can you believe these upstarts at Northwestern are laying claim to the title of Chicago's team? How outrageous!

The Cincinnati Bearcats also made unis in honor of their hometown, but crowds found the Skyline too nauseating to stomach.

I haven't seen a recent picture of Glavine in years. I seriously thought this might have been an ad for the new season of 24.

One time, my kid actually asked me to put my phone away and I felt like the worst parent on Earth. So I put the phone away. And then took it out again.

Or anything remotely interesting to say.

Well, in that case, you sound like an expert on the subject.

LeBron: Court, remember when there was only one set of skidmarks? That's when I went down on you.

Not sure what's worse. That they're making 'Radio 2'. Or that Cuba Gooding Jr. already sent an audition tape.

That Amy Grant shit makes me want to barf out my entire skeleton.

So, where's Albert. I like Albert.

0.36 Chambers

Dr. Jesse Equalshero Ph.D C.R.P.