"He had a blue cape. Yeah I was on the ground but I definitely remember getting hold of a blue cape. He said he was from Crip-ton or something"

I DON'T NEED A FANCY SCIENCE CHART TO KNOW WHEN I CATCH A HEATER

Asst Coach: "You want our guy to intentionally bean him?! Christ, Mitch, they're only 10 years old"

Years from now, when Johnny Manziel has completed the miracle of resurrecting the Browns franchise from ash, we will look back at this moment and the cocky "wonderkid" who never stopped believing in himself. We will then look to the walls of the now hallowed Cleveland Browns facility where a single quote will be…

This is the best thing to happen to the Penguins since "Happy Feet"! [Rereads joke and throws up pure coffee on the keyboard]

"HEY RYAN! I do not like when my mistress comes to basketball games with black men!"

I know we make a lot of jokes about the people in situations like this, but this is just sad. I love baseball and fondly look back on every game I've ever attended. The experiences and life lessons the sport grants you are second to none. But this poor girl is going to be turned off from the game for the rest of her…

What? How does that even make sense

Ground rule would come in pretty low. Ground rule doubles take away potential triples which take away potential cycles. Now if you wanna rank cycles, an easy top 3 is

A shout out from the best. You have brought a beacon of light to the endless slog of my work day.

Great question, I'm glad you asked. The Boston "Massacre" was hardly a massacre at all. In fact, it did not receive that name until 1773 when pro-rebellion 'Sons of Liberty' writers needed to add additional fuel to the anti-British fire. Even the origins of the fight itself are not as sensational as the name would…

No worries, I hate when people don't explain the good jokes. Basically, Doug is referencing the Boston massacre of 1770. It was the culmination of colonial tensions in the British-held colonies. These tensions had been escalating since the British soldiers (dubbed "Redcoats" or "Lobsterbacks") had first appeared in…

"Penetration" was a pretty glaring omission. Sorry, guys.

Popular Doubles, Ranked:

[A harsh light shines on a figure in the middle of a basement interrogation room. The figure is an older man, wet with perspiration and squinting defiantly through a freshly blackened eye. Before him, an imposing man looks down menacingly, with an FBI badge on his chest and a touch of grey on the temples of his…

Fuck, his names Marcus and he's mentioned in the article. This will teach me to skim over single A baseball stories.

People said he was too small. They said the only muscle big enough was his heart. But from the day he was born, Birch Littlewood was born to be a Lumberking.

File Marchman keeping score at baseball games under "Not even a little bit fucking surprising"

I thought it was 34 because

Are you implying that other outfielders don't know how to play a ball off the wall? Shame on you.