"He blew his mind out in a car....he hadn't noticed that the light had changed."

"No, WE are Traffic. Please cease and desist."

Are the Spurs too experienced for this shit? Time for a timely Griz obit.

"Shot in the face! Man, I have a free ticket to realize my dream at the academy and fuck people up for a living."

It's so goddam easy for the newsies to anoint people heroes in this country. Yeah, those people who went to see Batman 8 at midnight, they were heroes. Yeah, those first responders loading up on laptops in that burning building, they were such goddam heroes. That axe-wielding hitchhiker? Adorably differently…

Seemed he really leaned into that "goddam" to send a message: Don't stick that thing in my face while there's play.

Dang, you're right. Oxbox does beat hell out of most of the half-assed names these horsey people give their kids, er, I mean nags.

A generation of pampered, spoiled, entitled and self-absorbed people seem to be raising a generation of even softer, sadder, overly dependent spawn. American parent alert: You're raising larvae destined to be food for leaner and meaner and far hungrier societies. Good luck with that.

Oh. I must have confused the 1979 KKK massacre in Greensboro with some other state that sets up checkpoints on New Year's Day so the cops can nab people with alcohol content from New Year's Eve. I must be thinking of some other cracker state where I lived for a few years. I must be thinking of some other state where…

"Wow! I am honored by such a large, Tiannamen-sized square on my Vienna sausage!"

I knew he'd come back. I knew it. But not on a scooter. On an Aprilia, maybe. Anyway, he's back.

I'm down with the Charlotte JAM. People in NC like to make jam and have sex with their sisters, but you could subtly allude to Jordan's Awful Mistakes.

For what it's worth, the sabremetrics crowd always dismisses the things that don't fit as outliers. And in baseball productivity combined with success over extended periods of times thanks to PEDs, you have to also factor in the out-and-out liars

"I find overly mannered and formulaic magazine profiles to be cringe-inducing torture, regardless of whether I, Dennis Rodman, am the subject when the author's subtext is his own honky-ass fear. I also didn't know he was dumping those drinks under his chair; I just assumed he was pissing his pants."

You must be very brave to drink with Dennis Rodman and live to tell about it, to psychoanalyze how Dennis Rodman's persona ate Dennis Rodman, to leave puddles under your chair while pretending to drink at a Dennis Rodman pace. You must be very brave not to bring up the Dennis Rodman/Vinnie Johnson triangle offense,…

In related news, the CDC has identified Morganna as Agent Zero in the oral herpes epidemic.

This word, "vagina?" I call it the altar.

I'm guessing this was a $47 bong packed with $400 worth of crack.

Raised a glance? Glass.

Damn! It took a long time, but I finally get it. +1