I’d be more surprised if you told he was voting for anybody else. Literally anybody else.

“he hates these cans!”

considering how ruthlessly college students are marketed to - never mind allowing credit card companies on campus to pimp their products - it’s amazing that any college student has any financial management skills at all.

considering that reporter would instantly become persona non grata in Patriotworld, and possibly the entire NFL, it’s probably going to take more than $300. it would be a beautiful 10 seconds, though.

Kobe stans are real. they’re an interesting breed.

gosh, what’s Pornhub?

I know you probably didn’t mean it like this, but “justice, the German way” sent a chill down my spine

I doff my beret to you, sir

ROLE TIED

the nice about the Internet is, unless you want to make a living as a comedy writer, it doesn’t matter. as long as we’re both on deadspin, I can make a joke about “don’t sit on my Jimmy Shands,” and I know that at least one person will get it.

yeah, because Deadspin commentors are lining up to make Wynton Marsalis jokes. you shot out the lights with that one.

and “hustle” and its antonym “lackadaisical”

I submit to you that if you do not revise your roster to include Paul Hornung, your list is invalid. He played every game hung over, and bet on the outcome.

I swear to Christ Philly if you ruin Okafor I will never forgive you

nah, that’s just a kid with a car that’s too fast for him

honestly, it was the same argument they made for taking Sam Bowie over MJ. franchise center vs. a shooting guard.

two words: Riley Cooper.

okay, fine, troll. I haven’t heard anything about Kelce dancing this season, but the bullshit controversy about Newton has been all over the national media, and seems to be an extension of the accusations concerning Newton’s on-field behavior before this and his seeming inability to “act the right way.” I don’t know…

why yes, that totally is something a person who is definitely not a rapist would say

ROLE TIED