Are we SURE anything on Kickstarter has ever actually been finished? Ever?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA*sob*...

This article is about Fox Sports, my man. The entire thing is about Fox Sports.

I’m a Sox fan and I 100% support any article that notes that David Ortiz runs from home to first slower than a person in an electric wheelchair perusing the aisles at Walmart. A pop-fly at home means he basically walks straight to the first base dugout.

This is one of my all-time favorite choke jobs. Watching the Nationals collapse has also been enjoyable.

Is this Papelbon’s first career hit?

Is there something in the unwritten rules of baseball that tells you NOT to try and choke out the franchise?

After a quick internet lipreading course...

Exactly. Harper can be an unthinking douche, and if he were to throw down a “it’s him or me” ultimatum it could come across as narcissism given that history.

Harper has never had a problem with a teammate. Ever. Sometimes he unthinkingly runs his mouth. Sometimes he doesn’t hustle like he should. But he has never had a problem with anyone on his team. I am comfortable saying this is 100% on Papelbon. And, yes, the Nationals better get Harper’s back.

I’m no expert and I couldn’t see his lips, but I’m pretty sure it was “I’m having an MVP season and you’re a clubhouse cancer and a mediocre pitcher who helped hand the Mets the division.”

While Harper is an arrogant dickbag quite often, I would not blame him in the slightest for demanding a trade if Papelbon is still on the 40-man roster tomorrow.

I mean. This deal makes the Phillies look shrewd.

How on Earth is Matt Williams still the manager?

I would have thought these two would be more likely to settle their differences through a series of scholarly letters.

What Papelbon is thinking: He’s ripped, 10 years younger, has twice as many homers as anyone else on this team, will probably win MVP, and is the future of the franchise. I’m a pudgy reliever who was paid 13 million dollars to save 24 games and am lucky not to be on the Phillies...this cannot turn out well for me.

“The sustainability of the regime.”