“I’m almost there, baby. You’re going to make me cum. Nope. Missed it. Almost there again. Nope, you missed. Third time’s the charm? No. Close again. Almost there. Missed it. Wide right. It’s just never going to happen with you.”

+1!

“I definitely didn’t see this coming.”

+1

Laughing at this again. +1

+1

Ray-Ray Armstrong: The party was nice, the party was bumping. And everybody having a ball.

[reads about what a piece of shit Greg Hardy is]

Ski Instructor: I’m going to lead you down a slippery slope.

notice the gag

+1

Meanwhile, Thompson has just been tweeting pictures of his dog, as usual

“Copycat.”

+1

+1

I’m a regular at this really swanky French restaurant, so the wait staff is well aware of my enormous appetite. In fact, they usually have my entire order prepared before my arrival. So I’m decked out to the nines in my tuxedo which I purchased at (I hate to say) a Big & Tall. This time, however, they failed to…

“This isn’t what we meant.”

Police Chief: We’ve got a suspect in custody. She was unable to provide us with an alibi at the time of the arson and we’ve charged her accordingly. Bring her out here, McNally.

♪ But I would travel 500 miles

Boss: What are you doing? The ceremony was cancelled! The NFL is no longer paying us for this sort of thing.