A-Rod: [lowers self into bubble bath] [opens up pint of Chubby Hubby Ben & Jerry's] [hits speed dial on phone] 'Hitting home runs' is what we used to call it. And, boy, did we ever hit a lot of 'em. [eats scoop of ice cream] Over six-hundred. But then, as can happen, the home runs began to dry up. [eats another scoop]…

That's some serious Street(ball) Magic.

Manager: I brought you in here today to discuss your captioning work on Hard Knocks. It's clear that you blatantly were omitting words. In fact, I've noticed this occurring on a frequent basis since we brought you on. So, we've decided to have to let you go.

"I was dizzy from the middle of the first set and then I saw Snoopy and I thought, 'Wow Snoopy, that's weird.' And then I got scared because I knew the Open isn't being sponsored by MetLife."

James Belushi: Chicago Blackhawks/Bears/Cubs, 1954-Present:

+1!

The scouting report on Jay from Gruden's Coach Camp is remarkably accurate.

This sounds like it's going to be a shitstorm!

+1!

+1

♪ January is here

[tugs collar] +1

That's what they get for inviting Alicia Keys to sing the national anthem.

This is not the sedate, small party you […] said.

Damn. +1

+1

An extremely delayed, but deserved +1

God: [watching "fight" between agents]

And three years from now, when Tebow has flamed out of the Canadian Football League and the Almighty Father has deemed it time for Tim's playing career to come to a merciful close, thou wilst be able to purchase his Jets jersey from the discount bin at Modell's Sporting Goods. For the low, low price of $3.16.

Previously, it was another dirty "S" word that was causing problems at ESPN.