I love teenagers. I think they are funny and smart and generally kind. But I’ve also thought this many times.

True but then we have real guns that are pink or the Hello Kitty guns.

FFS every single non-lethal gun manufactured and sold should look cartoonishly garish, like water guns, to avoid the chance of confusion.

“Patient has small penis.”

You know how Mark Twain said that comedy was tragedy plus time? NOT ENOUGH TIME, DUDES.

Tom Cruise was right — Matt Lauer is glib.

I know. And she was wrong.

Hi there fellow Zag.

White person lands on their feet where a minority in the same position would still be borked. (Related Stories: water is wet, sky is blue).

I have taught middle school for 15 years. Stories like this make me angry. I don't give a shit if he's academically ready for college. He isn't ready for college in far more ways that actually matter.

Can we stop using “pussy” as a word to mean weak though? My vagina has birthed three god damn kids.

Even if he was an affirmative action admission all it would prove is that affirmative action kicks ass and is worth the investment, because we got Barack Freaking Obama out of it.

It continues to amuse/irritate me to no end that these people - white, conservative, religious - are the real face of welfare fraud. Not saying that other people don’t cheat the system but the FLDS have turned welfare fraud into an art form. Yet somehow when some people use the term ‘welfare queen’ you just know the…

Because of Bob Costas and his case of the double pinkeye at Sochi, I will tune in to see what he contracts this time.

This would’ve been an excellent opportunity to say, you know, “Whether you’re a boy or you’re a girl, both of you, my job will be to make sure it’s equally an option for both of you.

“People who know me well know I’m a pretty basic guy. I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.”

I have pseudo-tumor cerebri! It’s not from any medication I took though. I just randomly started having double vision a few years ago and after seeing 4+ doctors they finally determined that was the cause. They weaned me off the medication after my symptoms improved but the condition came back after about a year, so…