"Techno"

Um, the second letter writer's guy is a piece of shit. Caring for someone with ALS is spectacularly and singularly difficult, physically and emotionally. Never waste another minute of your life interacting with that man, and do look into a visiting nurse. You need time for yourself, whether it feels like it or not.

Hat-Themed wedding.

This wedding was lovely, but I was a train wreck at it. Pissed off that the guy I was kind-of seeing had flaked out of being my date at the last minute, I was determined to find a wedding hookup. The night of the rehearsal dinner I got TRASHED and spent most of the night talking to this guy who was nice and pretty…

Nah. If you want your espresso drink to last more than a few sips, get a bigger espresso drink. Don't add water.

"Hi, I'd like to order a trendy espresso drink with an Italian-sounding name so that I can feel fancy, but I'm a big ol' wussbag, so can you add some fuggin' water to it?"

Nah. Root for whomever you want to root for. You don't owe any club shit.

#NotAllMcGees

Or just give up the machine when the guy tries to take it, I mean, 300 bucks isn't worth your life.

But what do I know, I'm just a tree.

Seriously, any dude that uses "libations" (or even worse "m'lady") who is not dressed in period-accurate reproduction clothing needs to be drawn and quartered. The Queen has so ordered.

I know that feel, bro.

Yes. Yes I can.

"Hey guys, have you ever wondered whether this form of hyper-aggressive masculinity that defines the NFL is having a negative impact on society as a whole?"

He said "culpability". The NFL fucking hates that word.

Hardwick's story is great. He walked on as a junior at Purdue the year after Brees lead them to the Rose Bowl. He hadn't played football since 9th grade. He told the defensive line coaches he played linebacker and told the linebacker coaches he played defensive line to cover for the fact he knew little about…

Apparently, hotboxing that hen last night was a waste of perfectly good marijuana.

This could not possibly be more wrong. Don't ever say this dumb shit again in your life.

I heard he tried ordering pasta and marinara sauce but in fact got egg noodles with ketchup!

He also appears to be a dog guy.

One Tropical-as-Fuck Fish