As a purely historical matter, the fact that Leni Riefenstahl is working again is big news, but from an artistic perspective this has nothing on her early work.

I’m really looking forward to your “I love New Orleans and now hate myself” piece. It will be masterful, the more so because that phenomenon is universal amongst those who’ve been.

It is both a statement of fact and an enticement to read further, as Vin Baker training to run a Starbuck’s is an unexpected development that would pique a reader’s interest. That is the essence of a good headline. Take a minute and get it together.

Mascot or no, they should definitely restyle themselves THE Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.

Let’s not lose sight of the fact that the tweet about fisting was sent by a guy named Tad Dickman. TAD DICKMAN.

Huh. I always understood that the proper way to play Protoss was to construct additional pylons.

Oh, piss off, you tiresome degenerate.

The full quote is generally rendered as “I often roll me eyes and shiver me timbers.”

...since we were in the seats that my friend had been sitting in virtually since birth, I defected and let him enjoy his moment.

INDEED. That’s some decent work.

and that red herring sandwich they both shared for lunch! What about that, eh? EH?!

I do something similar to your Founding Fathers quotes; I caption statues of famous figures with new and contextless quotes, to whit: "God in fuck, it's cold." - V.I. LENIN

Wait, that was his enhanced performance? That's just appalling.

A take as scorching and undeniable as the noon sun.

good god that was terrible

For some reason, this answer delights me. I need to answer more questions of scale or degree with 'AF'.

"Command, this is Condor. It's a bad situation here. I'm gonna need a beekeeper and a tanker truck of Sweet Baby Ray's."

Clarinet dude is my goddamn hero. Seriously, John the Clarinetist, if you are ever in need of a ride to the airport, a (very) small loan, or some shady advice on a variety of topics a sounding board for troubles professional or personal, I am absolutely at your service, you magnificent bastard, you.

I think you'll find that most of the 252,000 newly-created jobs cited in the recent and much-touted December 2014 jobs report were created in the burgeoning sector of False Rape Victim.

THESE ARE THE STAKES