No fucking shit, genius.

If anyone knows what a disgrace looks like, it’s the Bills.

Nah, what’s gonna happen is, they’ll beat the Packers, lose a close one to Atlanta (probably by an officiating error so it doesn’t really feel like a loss), scrap out a win against Seattle and Arizona to really make you think they’re legit this year and by god it’s actually gonna happen, finish out the season resting…

Is there a Vikings fan alive right now who isn’t sucking in their gut and waiting for the punch?

Now Daddy can stay home.

What a terrible shame. I’m a Boks fan, but Lomu in his prime was an almost absurdly primal force, a rampaging bull of a man. He was basically rugby union’s version of peak Bo Jackson.

Come on, we all know his nickname is Krapsnaps Bazingas.

There has to be someone affiliated with Deadspin that can pull off the mannerisms and affectations of an adolescent attendee.

The worst part is he woke up and realized he was in Barnsley

If I had a time machine and went back in time, I would talk with John Rockefeller, possibly the wealthiest man in history. I would tell him that I could travel to China in a half a day. That I could talk to any person on the planet and hear not only his voice, but also see his face, in real time from anywhere. All…

The email addresses on AOL were your usernames but because I was 12 I thought there were two separate things. I actually would email their username and ask what their email address was and then write it down in a little book.

Correct. If they’re not being paid for their advertising for the team, they’re being exploited.

I used to wear them all the time but I had to stop after they kept breaking whenever the loud, upwardly mobile couple lottery winners next door would play their rapping music.

Oh I'll go one day. Something will bring me there and it'll be a delight.

This is a terrible fucking analysis.

also, it’s gross eating pants.

You know when someone starts talking about how they have a high IQ and it has been tested, they’re going to say something really stupid after.

I see you’ve overlooked my classic, “Fishsticks that you put in an oven that was too hot and then blacked out and woke up thinking you set your house on fire (I’m never drinking again).”

It’s pretty much a staple in my house.

I’m the author of this article, and I’d like to write in response to the biggest issue commenters seem to have with it: the 2-8% statistic.

That’s a completely factual headline and you’re reading too much into it. I have no reason to make fun of Vin Baker for getting his life together. You’re projecting a lot regarding everything here. Just because you cut your balls shaving in the shower this morning doesn’t mean you can get angry over a perceived slight…